12 Days

Twelve more days until I touch down in Arkansas.  I am so looking forwarded to seeing everyone, and more, worshiping with my brethren.  I need the fellowship in a great way.  Pray the Lord provides.  The doubts I have about not getting the soul food I desire, is not due to any lack of faithfulness and mercy I have received in the past, but from my own degenerate faithlessness and apostasy.
For worship to be proper, I can think of five necessary conditions: truth, obedience and humility in the subjects, and worthiness and acceptance of the Object.  Worship is veneration, reverence, praise; if God is the object of our worship, anything but the truth is a crime against the character and reputation of our Lord.  In the Navy's honors and ceremonies, when an admiral or president arrives, eight bells are rung in his honor.  Imagine if the president arrived on a ship and only six bells were rung for him.  The president may be slightly embarrassed, but he would still be the president, but all the sailors would not be aware of the rank of the officer who is visiting their ship (six bells are for rear admirals).  I would imagine that boatswains mate would be fired from that job and would return to painting and scrubbing the decks all day.  How much more disrespectful it is for us to proclaim falsehoods about God, knowing it is robbing him of glory.  Humility and obedience are similar, because humility isn't genuine without obedience.  If God is all wise, and he is the real object of our desire, we would perform only that which he commands.  Anything more or less is not appropriate for a perfect lawgiver.  I don't feel adequate to say anything here of the worthiness of my Blessed Redeemer, so I will just say that provided we offer everything we have in the most appropriate way in our power, according to God's commands, he is not obligated to accept our feeble attempts.  Without the visitation of his Spirit, it isn't properly worship, and we are left miserably wanting.

Less Than a Month

I will be home in less than a month. I just noticed that my note book was made by the Arkansas School for the Blind, and my Skippy peanut butter was made with pride in Arkansas...everything just keeps reminding me.
But just when I get used to what I'm doing and maybe a little complacent, bad things tend to build on each other. While I was playing a basketball game at the court, my wallet and keys were stolen. These were not just my keys, these were the keys to the van that all the officers on my ship share. And wallet contained the only way I can pay for anything, and most importantly my identification. I have to have my identification to get anywhere I need to. So just when I thought I would have a good evening at the base then go home and rest, I am looking all over the base for my wallet and tearing myself up. When the activity center on base closed down, I went and filed a report to document that I lost my wallet. We all had to get back to work some other way. Thankfully the van wasn't stolen, so later that day someone had to get another key made and fetch the van. Well because I didn't have a wallet I had to go back to base the day following to get a new ID. I used the van for which we just got a new key. On the way back to the ship, I ran into a truck and trailer, badly denting my passenger door and breaking the glass. The door wouldn't open. I waited for the police to arrive not thinking it would take long because I was right by the Grand Mosque and the palace...but no, after several minutes when I finally called them, they told me to drive to the station to file the report! like I knew where that was. The owner of the van arrived and at first I didn't know who he was, but he finally identified himself and led us to the station. We got to the station and discovered a major problem--I didn't have my driver license. I just lost my wallet! If I couldn't show them a driver license, I was financially responsible for all the damages, not to mention the legal consequences whatever they are here. But I remembered packing per chance (or Providence) a copy of all my important ID papers. They wouldn't let me leave the station to get my copy of the license, and I didn't have keys to my flat so I couldn't send my partner to get them either. So they told me they would get an immigration officer who works with the Navy who could release me to find the license. He showed up, Identified me, then let me go find my license. I found that copy and resolved everything and I owed only 40 USD in fees. It got better from here, but I feel really bad...I just wanted to crawl in a hole and not touch anything...But I ended up driving home from work that afternoon just to show I wasn't shaken. I think I couldn't catch a break last week.
It is tough to be dependent on other people for everything. For a day I had no ID, I felt like a nobody in a strange land. I still have no way to buy necessities--I hate begging. It is a good reminder of our real worth: to be nameless, broke, and without the resources to do what we have to do. Remember the thank the LORD  for everything we have.